Flash Back on Fitness

Semalam ada cuba-cuba nak mengupload video kat sini. Saja nak berubah angin sikit. Kadang-kadang menaip setiap masa bosan juga. Tapi percubaan gagal. Setelah 4-5 kali mencuba dan gagal barulah masalah dikenalpasti. Mungkin video tu terlampau tinggi capacity nya. Semangat nak record high definition saja. Sekali tak lepas pulak.

Aghh..Takpe. Ringkasannya video tu suppose to update on my weight and fitness progress la. The last diet program was okay but it didn’t last that long for me to get the desired result. My aim nak dapat ideal weight before engagement day was totally devastated. Even I have lost about 5KGS. It wasn't enough.

Agak sedih juga. I can tell through the photo of the E-day that I still chubby in my 79KG. Really ugly. I mean as Allah creation I’m all good and perfect but my size made me look damn ugly. It's totally my bad. I stuffed all the rubbish for at least the past 18 years. I didn't look like a bride to be at all. Even my fiance didn’t say anything about it, I still felt that I had embarrass him by being so fat! Sorry darling!

I looked obviously bigger than my 'future mother in law' (FMIL)
who has 4 kids. That sucks.

I might look happy..tp dalam hati yang sedih
dan segan ni Allah je yang tahu.

I liked this photo. But honestly I should looked bigger
if not because of the brilliant photographer.

And eventually my worst nightmare came true. One of his relatives did comment on my body. "So chubby with plum cheeks". I know that's definitely me and therefore I shouldn't be angry about it. But memang rasa horrible gila. Feeling that I'm ugly and I don't deserve to be a bride. Memanglah people would say all this doesn't matter yang penting cantik dalam. But what if you don't own any of them? Shitty right!

But as I keep telling myself..no matter how many diet I failed, how many times I gave up, and how hard it's going to be, I will keep making comebacks until I achieved this particular childhood dream of being slim, slender, strong and healthy of course!

So my very latest resolution that I have decided on was to register for a marathon like I mentioned earlier and I had began my training yesterday. Will story more about this. Definitely! I have no idea whether this is going to work or just another 'failure going to be'. But I just don't care. I just need to do it. No matter how tough it is. I just need to do it. I doubt myself every single seconds of my breath but still...it needs to be done.

It makes me feel so sick that I can achieved almost every other wishes and dream that I have worked on so far, but not the one that I wanted the most. :'( To be slim.........

Selekeh, comot dan debab... :(